Anger Mgmt. #3

Anger has a lot to do with the way it was caused, either by external or internal events. Anger is caused by specific triggers such as people, events, personal problems, and memories. How our anger is dealt with in these situations can cause mismanagement of them. Our instinct is to respond aggressively, but there are three healthier approaches to anger such as direct, indirect, and suppressive. When we don’t take any three of these approaches that’s when someone dies…JKing!

On the contrary, unexpressed anger can lead to passive-aggressive behavior or a personality that seems hostile. People who are constantly putting others down, criticizing everything, and making cynical comments haven’t learned how to constructively express their anger. Not surprisingly, they aren’t likely to have many successful relationships. I’m afraid that I fit this passive-aggressive behavior and am learning how to change it through these posts :p (I might be as bold as to create a support group at my college)

The goal of anger management is to reduce both your emotional feelings and the physiological arousal that anger causes. Chances are good that you have a problem with anger and you already know it; otherwise you wouldn’t be reading this. You might be saying that’s not me and saying that some people are just angrier than others. You’re wrong! Yes some people are more “hotheaded” then others but anger is more difficult to read then you’d imagine. Most people don’t show their anger out loud and might be more chronically irritable and grumpy.

So some simple strategies to fight natural triggers are relaxation, cognitive reform, problem solving, better communication, change of environment, and my personal favorite- using humor. All of these techniques are all special to your personality, and how to assertively communicate these techniques is a skill in itself. Put yourself in touch with your feelings and express them, because you can’t eliminate anger.

I’ve done this a select few times in my past and am now learning to do it more often. Such experiences include mission trips, small groups, Bible camps, and lastly T.E.C. I now see that this touch with my inner anger needs to include God and if I don’t express it to Him then this anger will affect my relationship with Him. You’re probably thinking “did he just say it’s alright to be angry with God?” I did, what you going to do about it?! But now I wrestle with is it alright? Luckily with Psalm 88 and some help from a friend, I got an answer. Psalm 88 is a lament to God and an angry one for that matter. So I think it is possible to be angry with God but we cannot at all say that God is not sovereign. I’m stating that it’s alright to be angry with how divine intervention of our life is playing out. We need to communicate our anger with God like I said in the previous post- “communicate your emotions at a healthy level; doing this will take the edge off and solutions to respect and build upon each individual’s life will occur.” It’s that “ought to be my way” anger and as Christians we need to lament to God a little more often in order to control the intensity of our anger before it controls us. We have a prayer room at my college, so why don’t we have a lament room as well? A lament room would be a place where it is possible to be angry and release our feelings in order to connect with God at a deeper level.

You must admit a good healthy relationship isn’t agreeing all the time. So wouldn’t God want us to communicate our anger with Him even though He knows it already? It’s like trying to hide a giant monster underneath your bed from God- it’s a little silly. So why would we let anger eat us up inside? In order to work through our anger we need to communicate it not contain it in prison (previously said in first blog post). So I’m taking anger management to heart- “I’m angry with all my Sunday school teachers that mismanaged my anger!”

Anger Mgmt. #2

Anger is not the problem because it is completely normal and usually healthy. God even gets angry! I encourage you to look up Nahum 1:2-6. It clearly says that God vents His wrath, which means that there is a clear way of handling anger. Nahum also proves that anger is not sinful because it came from within God, making anger something righteous in a sense. If you say that God is holy then you must admit that there can be righteous anger as well.

The problem lies within mismanagement of the anger. Mismanagement of anger leads to rage and conflict in our personal relationships. We all know what anger is and we all have felt its affects both positively and negatively. Anger can make you feel good and it’s typical to think its bad for you, but it’s not necessarily bad to feel angry. Anger is very complex; most Christians see it as a negative emotional state when it can be a necessary solution to handling a situation. Built up anger can cause damage to the human body such as high blood pressure levels and built up hormones and adrenaline.

The trick to anger is how to handle the level of its intensity. Psalm 103:8-10 gives us a taste in how to first approach anger. God basically says good anger thinks before it releases since it ought to develop slowly but not be contained forever. In theory the intensity of anger at a small level should build slowly. I too often don’t practice this step because I let my emotions get the best of me. I failed at both ends of this step since I usually blow up too quickly because I've contained my anger far too long. Keeping the attitude of not showing anger in order to be nice all my life hasn't always paid off because most people don’t think I have a backbone today because of it. I never showed my anger towards the people who persecuted me. I created a prison for my anger which created a bigger problem that still exists today because this prison lets out feelings of regret, anxiety, and anger. At the time I did what Sunday school taught me- “turn your cheek.” There may be a place and time for that but I don’t believe that God wants us to suffer in our own anger. 2 Chronicles 36:15-16 shows that God at first held His anger but even then He let go of it in order to release something that was arousing in Him. I see this as something Christians should talk more about. The intensity of anger is a discussion that Christians should have. The Bible mentions the word “anger” 268 times and that doesn't even include such words connected to anger such as wrath, fury, and rage.

With the intensity of anger Christians should understand how to tolerate anger because we might receive anger when we now so freely express it. So often the underlying theme in anger is “things ought to be my way.” Well sometimes things can’t be our way and we need to be able to control that anger so that it doesn't become a monster that we can’t handle. Communicate your emotions at a healthy level doing this will take the edge off and solutions to respect and build upon each individual’s life will occur. Ephesians 4:25-27 says “Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to your neighbor, for we are all members of one body." “In your anger do not sin.” "Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold." You still can have anger when being tolerable but the intensity of the anger can at least be controlled. Don’t let the devil have a foothold by containing your anger rather release its intensity in healthy and honest behavior. I think Sunday school might be getting a little deeper after I’m through with it.

Anger Mgmt. #1

I think it is ironic that my first blog post is about anger management when my blog is titled Beware of Gentleman. I recently watched the movie Hancock and thought it was one of the more real aspects to what a super hero actually has to deal with.

Spoiler! John Hancock becomes a joke and he is hated all across Los Angeles. He destroys millions of dollars to the city due to his alcoholism and rage. He eventually meets a PR expert that turns John’s image around through anger management and a rehabilitation center. I think we all are like John Hancock in a way because we all have a little anger inside us. Because this seems to be such a large issue I am dedicating my first couple of posts to talk about anger management.

I find that anger is an emotion that is given to us by God. I think that a lot of Christians might be arguing with me right now reading this, but I’d have to argue that it is, but there are different types of anger, good and bad. A girl once said to me “being angry is a sin” and for some odd reason at that age I said “I’d disagree but don’t know why.” In response to what I said, she looked at me like I was an idiot. LoL wasn’t that an expression of anger towards me. :p Now after a few years under my belt I think I can prove her to be wrong.

I think if we didn’t understand what anger was we wouldn't be able to understand the effects of love, grace, and forgiveness. I love how the movie Hancock handles anger and causes Hancock to release it in a more positive way. Anger is a natural human emotion we can’t reject because it is a way of fighting off an attack against our well being which I believe is an ability God gave humans. We are often taught as Christians at a young age that it’s not right to express our anger, anxiety, and depression around others. As a result Christians don’t know how to channel it constructively. Studies have shown that rage is closely connected with the failure to communicate emotions or frankly not practicing communicating our true emotion with others. One in five Americans have an anger management problem and most Americas claim to be Christian. Christianity tends to connect sin with anger but the problem is not the anger it is the misuse of the anger. The misuse of anger doesn’t make it an ability not given by God. I think we often label anger as bad but anger can be a good thing, it’s just that we abuse it far too often.

On the other hand “Let it all hang out” is a dangerous myth as well. Dealing with anger is like being a tight rope walker: you need to know what to do in the situation and how to handle it best, otherwise you’ll tip over and either blow up or let it eat you up. It’s best to find out what triggers your anger and then develop strategies to keep those triggers from tipping you over the edge on both sides of the rope. I’ve tried to learn this art of triggers but I frankly have been failing at it a good portion of my life. Now you’re wondering if you know me how I have anger management problems because you don’t typically see BJ being angry at the world. Well let’s just say that anger isn't as simple as Sunday school made it out to be.